Q n A

Haven't posted much of late in the way of words. Been waiting for the alphabet pixie to make herself available but she's not answering her phone. It's not that there isn't anything newsworthy, I've done a ton of new work (I'll post some here just for to put in shiny things) and have been on multiple trips to wonderful places; Colorado, Maine, West Virginia, Annapolis, Charleston, Blufton, Fernandina... there's a lot to talk about. I'll post on those events shortly. For now I thought I'd cover some of the questions I get from time to time:

Q) What color did you just put on the canvas? Not that one, the other one.

A)  A little yellow, a little red, a little blue and some white.

Q) I'm worried about my paintings being archival, what's the best thing for that?

A) Best thing for that is to worry more about making a painting that's good, nothing worse than a bad painting that won't die.

Q) What kind of bristles do you prefer.

A) I'm partial to most endangered species. My Fav so far is the Snow Leopard Bristle... I paint really fast with them and they scare away most rodents. Also I like the Lapin Hare brushes because they are cute. I tried the HomelessGuy bristle brushes but they are still laying in the corner.

Q) Okay.... now what color did you just put down on the canvas?

A) Ummm, same as the last time you asked.

Q How do I keep my colors clean?

A) As we now know there are laws against segregating by color, this is good for people but not so good for artists. Keep your paints away from one another and constantly clean your palette, you don't want Mr. Pthalo Blue to contaminate Ms. Sun Yellows gene pool. Organizing a palette by value and hue is also good.

Q) I have a large blank canvas under my bed that I want to paint on but I don't know what to do with it.

A) Fortunately, if you wait long enough, it will paint itself. Every 7th phase of the moon in the 12th house of Narnia when Jupiter is cusping, magic muse-pixies will come up with something to put on the canvas for you, usually in the form of mold..... once in a while the virgin Mary appears. This takes a while and like some Vietnamese restaurants, you never know what you are going to get.. In the meantime, how about putting something on it without the expectation of it being good. If you want a gallon of milk you have to go to the store to get it.. it's not gonna just show up on your doorstep, ancient Hindu proverb. Another suggestion is get about 50 canvases of the same size 12x12 or 16xwhatever and commit to filling up every one before you ever show a soul. By the time you are done with the 5o (just in time for the 7th phase) you will be ready to repaint at least half.

Q) Boxers, briefs or commando?

A) In brief, a commando boxer. Or the popular answer... Depends.

Q) How long to does it take to learn to draw good (sic)?

A) About the same amount of time it takes to become a concert pianist or a heart surgeon. It's not rocket science but it ain't easy.

Q) I am a beginner painter should I post my work on Facebook?

A) No. But if you do, blame it on your grandkid.

Q) You seem to fly a lot, can I bring my paints when I travel?

A) Yes. Large tubes of oil you put in a clear ziplock baggie and lay them on top of your underwear. I recommend a limited palette to keep the weight down. Small tubes of watercolor or gouache (under 3 oz) you can carry on, also in a clear bag... I think. Haven't tested that one yet.

Q) How do I make a limited palette.

A) Remove one of the legs.

Q) Should I ask my friends to critique my work?

A) Only if you think that will make them feel better. Ask a pro and pay him or her for their time.

Q) I want to paint like Scott Christensen (or insert name), how do I do that?

A1) Take a number.

A2) You can't. Why not paint like you. Better to be a first rate you than a second rate somebody else.

A3) Hire a Chinese rip-off company to do it for you... you'll save on therapy.

Q) Do you have a favorite medium?

A) I like Madam Gharza in Casadega, she gets it right at least half the time.

Q) How much can I get for this painting I did of a bunny?

A1) If it looks just like a bunny, maybe $133... if it looks more like an alien wearing a meat balloon, about $3500 in LA.

A2) If it looks like Picasso did it on accident about $5 if it looks like Picasso did it on purpose about$2000.

Q) What do you think about Chinese artists coming here and painting western scenes?

A) It's like eating chalk, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But, hey, some people do it and they seem to enjoy it. Free country.

And finally my favorite is the personal question, this category is wide open and a perfect opportunity to say something completely outrageous in order to get the message across..This one I get a lot.

Q) Do you have any kids?

A1) Not that I'm aware.

A2) Remember the Octo-mom? Guess who the father is?

A3) I do. 12 kids... we are all waiting for the return of Haley's comet so we can go and live happily ever after.

A4) I just collect action figures. They are a lot like cats though.. not much in the way of action.

A5) No but I have a MyChild app on my phone.

A5) Whenever I desire to see screaming brats running around I go to my back fence and watch the elementary school phys-ed class. Which is never.

A6) Yes! Lets see, there's little Eddie Gein Jr, and my daughters Eileen Wuornos and little Charlene Manson and my oldest John Wayne (Gayce) and they are nothing but trouble.










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