More fun with scammers

A good friend of mine and fellow artist read my last post called "fun with scammers", he then forwarded what he thought was probably a scam letter (it was) from a Scottish lady who calls herself Holly, and asked me if I wouldn't mind writing something to send just to mess with them. I've changed my friends name to Sal McGundy so he won't have his image tarnished.... mine I don't care about so much, I have more tarnish than the Antiques Roadshow. Here's the letter that I responded to on his behalf:

Dear McGundy Thank you for your reply and am happy to read from you that the "Fading sky" 20 x 40 $12,000 Oil on canvas is still available. I want the original and I will be expecting your reply concerning your method of payment because am written you from Glasgow. Hope to read from you with the Information on the type of Payment you want. Holly Freidman

And here's my snappy comeback:

My dearest Holly, My friends call me Sal, or Chappy... occasionally Big Johnson, though rarely McGundy, but you can call me Smitty. You sound like an attractive lass, so let's do some bidness. With the impending collapse of the EU and Scottland's tenuous position in the aforementioned union, we can accept only these forms of payment, $12,000 dollars worth of:

A) Dollars

B) Gold Kruggerrands, we are partial to the ones with the old dude on one side and the deer on the other. Not because we like the old dude, but because we like the deer. See attached.

C) One of those big Scottish hay mounds. Because they are cool.See attached.

D) PayPal

E) Orange highway cones for my American Ninja Warrior training camp. See attached.

E.2) or one really big one.

F) A personal phone call from Tom Cruise saying he has left the Scientology Church. I hate those guys.

G) One dozen Babe Ruth baseballs. If you can find one that's also signed by Paul McCartney, big plus. Must have provenance with this one.

R) Apple stock, but you may need to hurry on that one. Or....

17)  12,000 of these on my furry white butt.


Most sincerely..... Chappy


I'm pretty sure "Holly" got the message.